Wrong Methods of Choosing a Life Partner:
There are several wrong methods that are generally used by some
people who go into marriage relationships. Such wrong methods cannot be said to
be spiritual guidance in choosing a life partner. But they are merely leaping
to the unknown with their eyes firmly closed. Such wrong methods had led to
weak foundations for marriage and over 75 per cent of such marriages had
collapsed, with some passing through very terrible situations. Such wrong
methods are discussed below:-
Making one’s decision before praying for confirmation:
There are people who had made the choice of their future life
partners, before seeking God’s face. They pray and seek signs for the
confirmation of their choice. For example, a young man who had concluded on his
own to marry a young girl, might pray and say, “If the girl will buy and
present a white handkerchief to me, it will signify that it is God’s will for
me to marry her.” This method is not only deceptive, but manipulative by the
enemy. It shows unbelief and lack of trust in the Living God. This method is
commonly used by those boys who are not sure of what they want from God. They
are deceived for lack of understanding. Girls can also use this method where
they have more than one boy coming to ask for their hand in marriage. But in
all, young people should beware as signs that go after choices are
pre-determined.
“The coming of the lawless one is according
to the working of Satan with all power, signs and lying, wonders, and with all
unrighteous deception, they did not receive the love of truth, that they might
be saved” (2 Thessalonians 2:19, 10 NKJV).
Praying and asking contrary to God’s word:
It is wrong to pray and ask for future life partner contrary to
God’s word. Many young people had prayed and asked for future life partners
contrary to God’s word due to covetousness. There are instances where many
young people had prayed and asked God’s approval for marriage relationship with
unconverted souls, or people of other faiths without the knowledge of God.
Some of the young people do this because of what they have seen in
the persons, the things of the world that cannot endure eternal test, and
because of what they can gain from the marriage relationship. It ought not to
be so. Like Prophet Balaam, who went to King Balak in an attempt to curse the
Israelites because of his covetousness and prayed contrary to the word of God.
God permitted him to go to meet King Balak. This was not the perfect will of
God, but a permissive will of God, God reluctantly, permitted Prophet Balaam in
order to teach him a lesson. Yet Prophet Balaam suffered for his stubbornness.
“Then Balaam answered and said to the
servant of Balak, though Balak were to give me his house full of silver and
gold, I would not go beyond the word of the Lord my God, to do less or more.
Now therefore, please, you also stay here tonight that I may know what more the
Lord will say to me.
And God came to Balaam at night and said to
him, if the men come to call you, rise and go with them, but only the word
which I speak to you that you shall do”. (Numbers 22:18-20 NKJV).
Many who had asked and prayed contrary to the word of God may be
granted permissive will to go into such marriage relationship. But, God may
warn others not to go into the marriage relationship, yet such persons may not
hear because they had already made up their minds to contract such marriage. I
advice every youth seeking for a life partner to ask, pray and seek the perfect
will of God in marriage. It is the best for every heavenly citizen.
The use of ballot:
The use of fleece or ballot on two or more persons to determine
who will be the suitable companion by the person who wants to get into marriage
is wrong. It is true that Gideon used fleece as a sign to confirm that God was
the person who gave him (Gideon) the commission to deliver his people who were
being oppressed at that time by the midianites.
In this dispensation, there is no need for the use of fleece in
seeking spiritual guidance because of the presence of the Holy Spirit, who is
the greatest teacher, guide and counsellor, the word of God and marriage
counsellors.
At that time of Gideon, the Holy Spirit was not fully available to
all and the word of God was relatively scarce and there were no adequate
counsellors, hence the use of fleece at that time of Gideon. At this time, it
is therefore wrong to seek spiritual guidance in marriage through the use of
fleece.
Prophecy or revelation through other persons:
Many people had got married to their spouses through what they
call revelation or prophecy from their friends, pastors, prophets or apostles
in their churches. Some of such marriages contracted in that way had hit the
rock. Revelation of life partner through other persons is not an ideal method
of spiritual guidance in choosing a life partner. Revelation or prophecy from
others may only be a confirmation of what God had already revealed to the
beneficiary, the person directly involved.
Many Christian youths had been deceived and lured into unplanned
marriages through the use of prophecy and revelation of other christians
especially among the pentecostal and evangelical churches. Therefore, you must
take heed and beware of what the Bible says about Satan. “And no wonder! Satan himself
transforms himself into an angel of Light” (2 Corinthians 11:14 NKJV).
It is important to note that the revelation of life partners
through others could be very dangerous. Many old prophets had deceived men of
God. An example is the historical event recorded for our learning in first
kings.
“And he (man of God) said ‘I cannot return
with you nor go in with you, neither can I eat bread nor drink water with you
in this place. For I have been told by the word of the Lord ... He (old
prophet) said to the man of God I too am a prophet as you are and an angel
spoke to me by the word of the Lord saying, bring him back with you to your
house, that he may eat bread and drink water,” (He lied to the man of God) (1
King 13: 15-20 NKJV).
So the man of God went back, he ate and drank, he met disaster in
his life, he was devoured by a lion. What a great lesson we can learn from the
idea of accepting and building on the prophecy and revelation of others. You
must watch it.
Recommendation by friends and well wishers:
Recommendation of a girl as future life partner by friends and
well wishers to a young man is a common practice in this part of the world. But
it is a wrong method of spiritual guidance in choosing a life partner. Many of
our young men who live in the cities often visit their country homes and inform
their parents, friends, and well wishers that they are preparing to get married
and settle down on their own, they mean business to get married as urgently as
possible. The next thing is to introduce a girl of their choice to the young
man as a very good and nice looking girl as a proposed life partner. The girl
will not also know the background and spiritual build-up of the young man. This
is not a godly method of choosing a life partner.
A young man from the city went to their home pastor during the
Christmas period, he met the pastor of a particular local church and told him
of his mission and readiness to get married, within a given period. The pastor
of the local church fixed a date with the young man from the city, and invited
three girls to the parsonage at a particular day.
While the young man from the city was with the pastor, the three
girls came in, one after the other as they were all at the parsonage, the young
man from the city was busy assessing the girls, looking at each of the young girls,
after the session, the city young man then made a choice out of the three girls
presented and arranged for him. The young city man wedded one of the girls, but
the marriage lasted for only one year.
This is not the best way to choose a life partner, even if all
girls are Christians. Read what the Bible says in the book of first Samuel. “...For the Lord does not see as
a man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the
heart.” (1 Samuel16:7 NKJV).
